I have had enough experiences to learn that there is no point in pursuing purposeless and ungodly relationships. I say experience makes the best teacher. Lately, I’ve had friends and people asking for advice regarding their current relationships and have had this topic on my heart for quite some time, so I have decided to write about it. Many people are currently in relationships and marriages in love with a potential. They are dealing with the reality of the person in hopes they can “potentially” turn into the person they need. Who has time for that!? First, a person is known by the fruit of their tree. Let their action match their words. Before I date a person I ask this very important question “How is your relationship with God?”. I have had many interesting responses but I usually get “I love God but….But what? What follows behind this conjunction is very important to me because that but can mean I love God but I don’t love Him enough to stop doing whatever it is I’m doing. You see this is very dangerous. A person who does not have loyalty to God has loyalty to worldly things. He/she can only love you based off the world’s version of love which is selfish, toxic, immature, confusing, and fleshly. 1 John 2:15 states “Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you”. I like many of you still have flesh like tendencies, by the first or second encounter the Holy Spirit usually whispers yes or no, but the flesh and heart are weak! It is a daily process having to die to your flesh. This is where having a solid relationship with God comes into play, He will reveal to you a persons intentions before hand. I have met really nice men, gentlemen, respectful, love their momma but not the man God wants for me. I look back now and say “Thank You God for shutting that down”. One of my friends asked me “How does God let you know”, when you walk with Him, He will speak to you through anyone or anything. I may be an answered prayer to someone currently dealing with a complicated situation. God has spoken to me through scripture, prayer, dreams, and Sunday sermons. Oh and people too. Love should not be hard. A person who toys with your emotions, leading you to a no where relationship is not the person God has for you. Ladies when a man wants you nothing will stop him. Stop making excuses for red flags that pop up everywhere in hopes he will change. Just stop! Same goes for men, I know women play games too. This is why you need a man/woman after God’s own heart because he/she will know how to love you and won’t play confusing games. The wrong relationship can cause emotional and mental damage that can take years to heal from. God can heal you but why suffer needlessly. God is a God of order not confusion. He showed us what love looks like when He sent His son to die for us. I don’t know about you but I need a selfless love that! What are some guidelines we must follow?
God’s Plea For Purity –“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor— not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. Never harm or cheat a fellow believer in this matter by violating his wife, for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. Therefore, anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human teaching but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you” 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8.” Oh no say it ain’t so! You mean I have to wait for marriage to be intimate?
If you are on date 1 and sex is already a topic run and don’t look back. I’ve had a man tell me “you know sex really isn’t that important to me”, so I’m like great you don’t mind that I would like to wait until marriage before that happens right? LOL! Three text messages later “crickets”. Hilarious! But wait I thought sex wasn’t that important? If you have to sleep with me first in order to determine where the relationship will go, chances are God didn’t send you but I certainly know who did. There are so many other ways to be intimate besides sex. Here are a few: Spend quality time with each other, learn to be best friends, go on dates, read the bible together, learn each others ways, talk about futuristic goals, get to really know each other on a mental, emotional, spiritual level, cook for each other, joke, laugh, play fight, so many people are in relationships with people they don’t really know. Ladies you are not to be test driven like a car, you are valuable in God’s eyes and the man who is sent by God will recognize that as well. A person needs to understand it’s not that you’re acting holier than thou or you’re too Christian, it’s called honoring God, fleeing sin in the process and protecting yourself. You have to stand before Him one day. Many who know me may say “well you have 2 children, unmarried”. Well this is what God’s word says about that in 2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new”. Ha! Born again virgin! I am not the same person I was 2 years ago, man I’m not the same person I was an hour ago! The same luxuries can be afforded to you as well once you turn your life over to Christ. It doesn’t matter what you did yesterday or 2 hours ago, He is waiting with arms wide open.
When sex happens there is a spiritual connection called a soul tie, how scary is that? You never know what internal demons a person carries within, so you are exposing yourself to all sorts of spiritual transfers that are not easy to break long after you and that person part ways. You cannot properly discern between lust and love when your relationship is based on sex. God forbids sex before marriage not to punish you but to protect you. It protects your heart, your soul, your mind, and your body from diseases.
Don’t Be Emotionally Led– I love emoji’s! But let’s be honest these emoji’s represent us so well in relationships: happy, sad, angry, frustrated, loved, and frankly all over the place. When we are emotionally led we can’t make the proper decisions. Tell those raging emotions to calm down because allowing emotions to rule us is not godly. This is why it’s not a good idea to bounce from relationship to relationship because you don’t give your heart a chance to heal. You jump into the next relationship with unresolved emotional issues and bring them into your new situation. All the mistrust, hurt, scars gets carried over and you become an emotional mess. You don’t enter into your new situation with the right intentions, you go into it looking for a savior but you already have one His name is Jesus. Or you stay in a relationship God has told you to leave a long time ago. Listen two people brought together for a purpose, both whole, set free from past hurt and a relationship Christ centered is what pleases God. Stop giving the wrong people emotional access to your heart, you have to guard your heart and do not remain in a situation out of fear of being alone or that you won’t find anyone better, that is a lie from the enemy. I have made that mistake as well.
So how do you know when the you have the “one” sent by God or when God is telling you it’s time to leave a relationship. Simple. You will have peace about your decision. God will bless a relationship He ordains and remove His presence from one He does not approve. When you walk in relationship with God, He will show you who is assigned to you verses who is attached to you. Make sure all the qualifications you desire in a mate, you exemplify as well. Be careful not to idolize a relationship, the enemy WILL use it as a tool to distract you, you will think any person who demonstrates SOME characteristics of a godly person is God sent. Wrong! Pray for your discernment to be on level 1000! God has someone great in mind for you just trust Him.
If you are single don’t feel rushed or let people pressure you into a relationship. Work on yourself. Learn to tell people to mind their business! In a nice, respectful way.
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God Bless You!
Happy Gobble Gobble !